Phytoastrology

For mil­len­nia man­kind has used anim­als as pre­dict­ors of human char­ac­ter­ist­ics and futur­istic pos­sib­il­it­ies – e.g. the zodi­acal signs of astrology that are so pop­u­lar in news­pa­pers and the dif­fer­ent anim­als and their char­ac­ter­ist­ics that denote one’s birth year in Chinese horo­sco­po­logy. But why should anim­als have it all their own way? They shouldn’t, and to redress the bal­ance – albeit turn­ing it on its head a little – there’s a ‘fun’ test you can try at home (or in the office when the boss isn’t looking…).

For millennia mankind has used animals as predictors of human characteristics and futuristic possibilities – e.g. the zodiacal signs of astrology that are so popular in newspapers and the different animals and their characteristics that denote one’s birth year in Chinese horoscopology. But why should animals have it all their own way? They shouldn’t, and to redress the balance – albeit turning it on its head a little – there’s a ‘fun’ test you can try at home (or in the office when the boss isn’t looking…).

Plant Personality
Photo: Lightwise / 123rf

Hosted by the Linnaeus Uppsala site, and based – allegedly – on Linnaeus’ sexual system of plant classification* and Jung’s personality types, it enables you to find out what flower you are. By answering six questions you can determine which of 17 flowering plants (though curiously only 16 are illustrated on the website) your personality matches.

Go on, give it a go. You know you want to. After all, what harm can it do…?

But if you think this is too far-fetched, how about a good old-fashioned, down-to-earth (spot the pun?), tried-and-tested(?), plant–human connection for you? It’s been revealed that UK-based home improvement and garden centre retailer B&Q is experimenting with in-storeplant whisperers’ – people trained in the art (not science…?) of talking to plants(!)**. This is all part of an attempt to make B&Q’s garden centres ‘the most caring in the world by introducing a new method of care’, and customers will learn which phrases work best for different plants to produce healthy growth, such as, ‘you rose well today’, ‘alright petal’, and ‘you’re blooming marvellous’. Plant-related news to shout about…?

* Although it seems to owe more to plant characteristics that are ecological rather than taxonomic.

** Bizarrely, I was unable to find out anything about the plant whisperers when I searched the B&Q site… but I have seen the information repeated in the Southern Daily …Echo [geddit..?]…

[Apparently, Mr P. Cuttings’ flower is red clover, Trifolium pratense, ‘a straightforward and reliable leader, a true survivor who lives in the present, knows his worth and values concrete and realistic needs, self-sufficient and self-assured, and likes to interact with others and have fun’. (Un)fortunately, Mr P C was unavailable to confirm the veracity – or otherwise – of this character assessment… – Ed.]