When the words ‘drugs’ and ‘sport’ occur in the same sentence, it’s usually for all the wrong reasons, e.g. performance-enhancement by illegal substances to help one win the Tour de France. Here I have in mind disgraced American ‘drug-cheat’ cyclist Lance Armstrong, certainly not Chris Froome, the recent British two-time winner of that most famous of bicycle races, about whom scurrilous ‘accusations’ of doping and cheating have been made. But if ever a team could benefit from some enhancement of their performance it is the England cricket squad. And it looks like they may have received it – and from a drug-related source(!).

This column can non-exclusively reveal that lamps formerly used to encourage growth of cannabis plants have been used to try and ensure that the grass playing surface – the so-called pitch – was in the proper condition for the third Ashes Test match. But rather than help the grass to grow, the lamps – confiscated by the West Midlands Constabulary from those growing cannabis for illegal drug-production purposes – are being used to dry out the pitch, which had become sodden with the previous days’ heavy rain.

Apparently, the aim is to create a playing surface that is ‘harder and faster’. As I pen this piece that match – at Edgbaston Cricket Ground near Birmingham (the Midlands, UK) –hasn’t started, so I don’t know the result. But if England win, no doubt it’ll be ‘high-fives’ all-round for their crack squad of bowlers, batters and catchers that thrashed these antipodeans (again…).

In a related sport’s playing surface story, we hear that there is a bit of a fracas in France where there are plans to extend the Stade Roland Garros in Paris – home of the French Open Tennis Tournament – by expanding into and encroaching upon the adjacent Serres d’Auteuil botanical garden. Sacré bleu, (or vert even)! Famously, Serres d’Auteuil was first used as a botanic garden in 1761 under King Louis XV, and nowadays its greenhouses produce about 100 000 plants annually to beautify the interior of municipal buildings.

But botanic gardens are about so much more than being a glorified florist, and tennis is arguably more than a fortnight’s Grand Slam tournament. It will therefore be interesting to see which party wins that particular match. Personally, I like tennis and I like botanic gardens. But which one is better? I guess there’s only one way to find out: Fight!!!